Review of “10,000 B.C.” (2008) PG-13 109min
March 7th, 2008 by Maxim · 10 Comments · 35,778 Views
The plot: Narrator (Omar Sharif) talks about a legend about a blue-eyes child. It’s a girl who was discovered by tribal hunters in the mountains clinched to the body of her dead mother. Her mother and their clan were killed or enslaved by the “four-legged demons”. The girl, Evolet (Camilla Belle), is adopted by the mountain hunters tribe and grows up there alongside with a outcast boy. The boy named D’Leh (Steven Strait), who grows up with her, falls in love with her. Everything would be perfect, but eventually the “four-legged demons” arrive at the valley and take everyone they didn’t kill into slavery. D’Leh and his mentor Tic’Tic (Cliff Curtis, who often plays evil Middle-Eastern guys – The Piano, Deep Rising, The Insider, Three Kings, Blow, The Majestic, Collateral Damage, Traffic, Runaway Jury, Fracture, Live Free Or Die Hard) decide to try to rescue their fellow tribesmen from slavery.
The good: Nice too see all sorts of people working together on a common goal. Music by Harald Kloser and Thomas Wanker with big percussion and horn section was nice and inspiring; unfortunately the story by the same Mr. Kloser was not so good. Acting is as good as it can be considering the terrible material. Camilla Belle is pretty, and that was her role – to be pretty. I remember her in Jurassic Park 10 years ago – she was a cute little girl back then too – but just like in this movie didn’t have more then 3 lines to say. I liked Cliff Curtis’s performance. Affif Ben Badra was a very charismatic Warlord. Some nice landscapes shot in New Zeland, but they do not compare to Peter Jackson’s.
The bad: Everything you see is a stereotype and cliche. All men are nicely shaved, women wear bras and have perfect teeth and manicured hands. They use a lot of eye-color. The costumes are a cliche too. CGIs could have been better – the motion is rather fake. All the antagonists look wicked and have abnormal voices, just like Persians in 300 – as a matter of fact they look almost the same. The story is silly for lack of a worse word: it’s a standard schema for a movie about the “B.C.”: you’ve got your good, but oppressed guys, there’s a girl, the girl is kidnapped, the good guys try to get their enslaved people back, so they have to travel through all types of terrain (snow,mountains,jungles,desert), get attacked by three different types of prehistoric animals and fight for freedom and equality along the way. Of course, a white man has to lead the blacks (although if it was vice verse, wouldn’t that be criticised as a cliche too?). And, of course, a white man unites all tribes to battle with his short motivational speech. The mountain hunters hunt and sleep in the snow shirt-less. Of course, the civilised Arab-types have better clothes. By the end of the movie Evolet gets to change her rags for those Roman-style blue dress too, and feels completely comfortable in it. The good guys speak English, but with funny accent and roll their Rs. The rest of the peoples need subtitles. I didn’t know they had telescopes 10000 BC….
The summary: This movie could as well be called 7,000 Years Before 300, or had been made as a cartoon. This is a movie for kids of 1st though 3rd grade. “ABUDAJAJE!”. If you are looking for an intelligent movie about anything “B.C.”, you are up for a disappointment. You are better off renting Discovery channel’s “Walking With Dinosaurs”. This is not an epic. Making every object grotesquely big doesn’t make it epic. For an extra $1 you can see it in digital presentation in select theatres.
The credits: Director Roland Emmerich | Written by Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser | D’Leh – Steven Strait, Evolet – Camilla Belle, Tic’Tic – Cliff Curtis, Warlord – Affif Ben Badra, Old Mother – Mona Hammond, Narrator – Omar Sharif | Original Music – Harald Kloser & Thomas Wanker | Warner Bros. Pictures.
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